If you clicked on the title because you agree then well I am not going to tell you otherwise. It’s about damn time that someone said it, people are fat because they want to be so, i myself am a fan of the popular opinion. Sometimes it’s fun to swim against the tide even if it is just to get under peoples skin.

I am the kind of person who loves to stir the pot. I kind of lost my train of thought a bit I will admit  but that whole monologue was needed to tell you I absolutely positively a hundred percent DO NOT agree with you on this matter. First of all what is “fat”, science calls it a layer of adipose cells that store excess energy necessary for survival in dangerous situations. What a nice way to put it but people nowadays expect everyone to look like a damn model. If you are young and possibly a bit chubby then you are the gross target of every single person around you and don’t forget the SOLE ‘target/purpose of life’ of your entire family. I am using the term ‘family’ very loosely ladies and gentlemen in our society and the country which God chose to place me in we prioritize our EXTENDED family TOO MUCH. Excuse my constant visiting of my caps lock key so often but while pouring this piece of writing out from one of the deepest crevices of my brain some emotion tagged along with it. Like a hitch hiker or that friend you never text back, while recovering fond memories about my many familial confrontations about my ever expanding mass this topic recovers memories that I thought I lost with those few extra pounds so bear with me .

A hundred and ten kilos yes you read that right not a cow, a small car or an anorexic elephant but this was the number that the blessed scale proudly showed back to an odd teenager. Some will say that’s not too bad but those people don’t want to hurt your feelings and others will make not so amusing jokes where you are the punch line , these people did not have a great childhood and we can agree on that. Should a number displayed on a scale relative to the planet you are on be the label society chooses to know you by or the stuff that’s in the blubber, underneath those layers, right next to the many sugary cakes you had, you guessed it the heart. There is a small percentage of people who leave a lasting impact on you and a large one that simply come and go.

Going back to how I got to a dad bod in my teens, personally speaking from experience I ate EVERYTHING there was to eat. If it was edible it was in my mouth and if it wasn’t then I was figuring out ways to make it edible. When I was younger I was skinny but then around reaching adolescence there was this sudden fear of leaving food and finding that it wasn’t there anymore so I started finishing my food and never leaving it. I started eating leftovers at night and it did comfort me a lot. Food was there when no one else was, the fact that I was a doer and not a sitter was not to my advantage here. When other kids waited for someone to make them food I was already in the kitchen putting final touches on the day’s creation. I didn’t have a huge sweet tooth but I craved all and everything savory. The thing with living in developing countries like Pakistan is that our nutrition is very carb heavy, like there’s no such thing as having lunch and dinner without chawal or roti that is rice and flat bread respectively. Did I mention we eat three meals a day and have many snacks in between . Okay maybe that’s just me, oh how I devoured whole dongas of chawal and paanch paanch rotiyan in a single sitting and yes almost a liter of coke a day. It’s funny how I never realized I was approaching scale breaking proportions and a lifelong unhealthy relationship with food. Food was my ex-girlfriend and I was the stalker.

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Binging means when you do anything excessively, oh how I wish excessively eating was as much fun as excessively working out. Kids you want to know something fun it goes like this, when you run excessively you ruin your knees forever yes I learned about this little tidbit after it happened to me. You asked for it and you pay for it but nobody told me that I was getting fat and nobody warned me about these fun things I have to deal with now. Its only when you get there is when someone goes oh yeah it’s going to be a very steep climb back. I worked hard and lost a ton of weight (not exactly a ton but like 30 kilos) but this is boring no one wants to hear about this part or support you through it but only be at the top of the hill when you get there. Then saying something horrible that makes you go in a downward spiral of eating and tumbling back down. When I gained twenty kilos back, the worst people are the ones who say “this is what happens when you crash diet” and not the way they think is the right way. Even your own body isn’t yours in our world it’s a canvas that anyone and everyone badly paints on and expects you to like it. Let us get back to the fun eating disorder I developed and it goes something like this.

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What I do is I eat a lot of vegetables and almost no carbs but that’s not true because I drink two cups of coffee every single day which per cup has five grams of carbs. Carbs is such a fun word it’s so full and complete but it has never been on my side. Carbs is corruption and my body is our government, yeah that analogy is perfect. Wait I’m not a robot (just yet) I have cheat days precisely once a week preferably on Friday because I can eat until I’m in physical pain without judgment. My whole life is planned around my diet and I know that sounds unhealthy and wrong but that is the honest truth. I go out with friends in that precisely calculated window of post my second cup of coffee and before dinner. I avoid going to dinners well firstly because I dislike almost everyone that we go for dinner with and secondly because I do not have culinary control over the host. Nobody ever has the diet which I prefer and if you don’t eat anything then it’s perceived as being rude, I mean you can’t catch a break. I have a very “bingy” personality, either I give it a hundred or not even one. It is the same for food, friends, family, and career also for some very unlucky future spouses (yes plural because I doubt that it will work the first time).

There is nothing moderate about my life there has never been an average it’s either a miserable fail or an amazing triumph. Once in my O Level exams I got straight A*’s A’s and then a U. I am learning to see the silver lining in conundrums and to view life with a good sense of humor (which I have been told I have none of). You must think i have a very depressing life view but that isn’t so it’s actually a very realistic one. Back to me being fat, so in conclusion because I am tired of writing and you should never get tired of having fun because then it isn’t fun anymore it becomes a chore and I hate chores thanks to my father/slave driver. People choose to be fat, that isn’t technically true I heard this amazing podcast recently and this guy explains it perfectly. You choose food more than anything else at that moment in life because that is what you need at that point. You are sub consciously choosing food as your response to some kind of trauma which can be obvious or very background in nature. At that time food is your outlet, food is helping you from going over the edge, food is love and food is life.

Although my relationship may not be perfect but perfection is a myth and relative. What you think is perfect may be the opposite to another, what you think is ideal is probably suicidal to someone else. So mind your own business and stop bothering others. You have no right to interfere in another person’s life and nor should anyone in yours. Families are diverse and none alike. When you judge a book by its cover you undermine all the struggle and transformation it went through in order to become a book in the first place. You are perfect and beautiful, show your colors and disorders to the world with pride.