If you clicked on the title because you agree then well I am not going to tell you otherwise. It’s about damn time that someone said it, people are fat because they want to be so, i myself am a fan of the popular opinion. Sometimes it’s fun to swim against the tide even if it is just to get under peoples skin.

I am the kind of person who loves to stir the pot. I kind of lost my train of thought a bit I will admit  but that whole monologue was needed to tell you I absolutely positively a hundred percent DO NOT agree with you on this matter. First of all what is “fat”, science calls it a layer of adipose cells that store excess energy necessary for survival in dangerous situations. What a nice way to put it but people nowadays expect everyone to look like a damn model. If you are young and possibly a bit chubby then you are the gross target of every single person around you and don’t forget the SOLE ‘target/purpose of life’ of your entire family. I am using the term ‘family’ very loosely ladies and gentlemen in our society and the country which God chose to place me in we prioritize our EXTENDED family TOO MUCH. Excuse my constant visiting of my caps lock key so often but while pouring this piece of writing out from one of the deepest crevices of my brain some emotion tagged along with it. Like a hitch hiker or that friend you never text back, while recovering fond memories about my many familial confrontations about my ever expanding mass this topic recovers memories that I thought I lost with those few extra pounds so bear with me .

A hundred and ten kilos yes you read that right not a cow, a small car or an anorexic elephant but this was the number that the blessed scale proudly showed back to an odd teenager. Some will say that’s not too bad but those people don’t want to hurt your feelings and others will make not so amusing jokes where you are the punch line , these people did not have a great childhood and we can agree on that. Should a number displayed on a scale relative to the planet you are on be the label society chooses to know you by or the stuff that’s in the blubber, underneath those layers, right next to the many sugary cakes you had, you guessed it the heart. There is a small percentage of people who leave a lasting impact on you and a large one that simply come and go.

Going back to how I got to a dad bod in my teens, personally speaking from experience I ate EVERYTHING there was to eat. If it was edible it was in my mouth and if it wasn’t then I was figuring out ways to make it edible. When I was younger I was skinny but then around reaching adolescence there was this sudden fear of leaving food and finding that it wasn’t there anymore so I started finishing my food and never leaving it. I started eating leftovers at night and it did comfort me a lot. Food was there when no one else was, the fact that I was a doer and not a sitter was not to my advantage here. When other kids waited for someone to make them food I was already in the kitchen putting final touches on the day’s creation. I didn’t have a huge sweet tooth but I craved all and everything savory. The thing with living in developing countries like Pakistan is that our nutrition is very carb heavy, like there’s no such thing as having lunch and dinner without chawal or roti that is rice and flat bread respectively. Did I mention we eat three meals a day and have many snacks in between . Okay maybe that’s just me, oh how I devoured whole dongas of chawal and paanch paanch rotiyan in a single sitting and yes almost a liter of coke a day. It’s funny how I never realized I was approaching scale breaking proportions and a lifelong unhealthy relationship with food. Food was my ex-girlfriend and I was the stalker.

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Binging means when you do anything excessively, oh how I wish excessively eating was as much fun as excessively working out. Kids you want to know something fun it goes like this, when you run excessively you ruin your knees forever yes I learned about this little tidbit after it happened to me. You asked for it and you pay for it but nobody told me that I was getting fat and nobody warned me about these fun things I have to deal with now. Its only when you get there is when someone goes oh yeah it’s going to be a very steep climb back. I worked hard and lost a ton of weight (not exactly a ton but like 30 kilos) but this is boring no one wants to hear about this part or support you through it but only be at the top of the hill when you get there. Then saying something horrible that makes you go in a downward spiral of eating and tumbling back down. When I gained twenty kilos back, the worst people are the ones who say “this is what happens when you crash diet” and not the way they think is the right way. Even your own body isn’t yours in our world it’s a canvas that anyone and everyone badly paints on and expects you to like it. Let us get back to the fun eating disorder I developed and it goes something like this.

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What I do is I eat a lot of vegetables and almost no carbs but that’s not true because I drink two cups of coffee every single day which per cup has five grams of carbs. Carbs is such a fun word it’s so full and complete but it has never been on my side. Carbs is corruption and my body is our government, yeah that analogy is perfect. Wait I’m not a robot (just yet) I have cheat days precisely once a week preferably on Friday because I can eat until I’m in physical pain without judgment. My whole life is planned around my diet and I know that sounds unhealthy and wrong but that is the honest truth. I go out with friends in that precisely calculated window of post my second cup of coffee and before dinner. I avoid going to dinners well firstly because I dislike almost everyone that we go for dinner with and secondly because I do not have culinary control over the host. Nobody ever has the diet which I prefer and if you don’t eat anything then it’s perceived as being rude, I mean you can’t catch a break. I have a very “bingy” personality, either I give it a hundred or not even one. It is the same for food, friends, family, and career also for some very unlucky future spouses (yes plural because I doubt that it will work the first time).

There is nothing moderate about my life there has never been an average it’s either a miserable fail or an amazing triumph. Once in my O Level exams I got straight A*’s A’s and then a U. I am learning to see the silver lining in conundrums and to view life with a good sense of humor (which I have been told I have none of). You must think i have a very depressing life view but that isn’t so it’s actually a very realistic one. Back to me being fat, so in conclusion because I am tired of writing and you should never get tired of having fun because then it isn’t fun anymore it becomes a chore and I hate chores thanks to my father/slave driver. People choose to be fat, that isn’t technically true I heard this amazing podcast recently and this guy explains it perfectly. You choose food more than anything else at that moment in life because that is what you need at that point. You are sub consciously choosing food as your response to some kind of trauma which can be obvious or very background in nature. At that time food is your outlet, food is helping you from going over the edge, food is love and food is life.

Although my relationship may not be perfect but perfection is a myth and relative. What you think is perfect may be the opposite to another, what you think is ideal is probably suicidal to someone else. So mind your own business and stop bothering others. You have no right to interfere in another person’s life and nor should anyone in yours. Families are diverse and none alike. When you judge a book by its cover you undermine all the struggle and transformation it went through in order to become a book in the first place. You are perfect and beautiful, show your colors and disorders to the world with pride.



Jinnah Supers Diagon Alley

what we did today

“No mama you cannot do this to me I am not going inside the restaurant to ask them if we can use their toilet” . I walked on huffing and puffing with anxiety levels through the roof after just 15 mins of our departure from home .

“jab tum  chotay thay …..”

“don’t start with me woman “

Heat , thirst and hunger pangs left us with few options as we loitered in front of the many brands that Jinnah Super has to offer . With no hope of our demands being met we came across the most beautiful alley in probably all of Islamabad  . Chinese lanterns hanging from the make shift ceiling and the most welcoming music lured us down the stairs into the alley   . Amazed at the sudden change in décor and ambience we were hypnotized by its sheer magnetic pull   .    Almost empty which isn’t a good sign for a restaurant but this right now was not our concern   .

Looking around as the scavengers we were I noticed that there was an allure like no other  . Small tables with chairs on one side and comfy sofas on the other. Small air conditioning units blasting in the open had created a cool atmosphere of their own in this covered alley way. This is almost the end of May were talking about no matter how hospitable Islamabad’s weather may be the burning sun can strike you down no matter how sturdy you claim to be.

The waiter saw how lost we were and welcomed us with open arms as I assumed we were their first customers of the day   .  Of course this cannot be flowing so smoothly how can we a mother son trio just start eating like normal people on entering a restaurant  .

“I have to go to the washroom right now or have you forgot “ , she exclaimed as if that was the reason for my existence .

After ordering food to look less like the needy I asked the waiter where the washroom was and not to my surprise it was on the first floor of the building above us  .  Great now we entered a path to the left which opened into the building’s basement which had no lights or any shops open .  It was closer resembling a murder scene from a cheap movie with bad lighting even worse dialogue and all   .

“matlab kay hum abhi dou floor upper jain aur bathroom dhoondain mama why you do this to me girl “

My mother now so accustomed to my whining all the time had already started finding the bright side in the situation being the overly optimistic (delusional) person she is “ let’s look around the shops to buy something “ .

I have learned now to stop controlling the situation and let it happen with the flow  .

Long story short we found the washroom visited ALL the shops bought NOTHING and found ourselves back in the restaurant in the alley . The food had not yet come even though we were gone for a good 15 minutes but judging for how flushed the were to see us they probably thought we pranked them and ran off  . The fact that i go for the newly homeless man look for most outings and my younger brother was wearing no shoes throughout this excursion wasn’t much help in their determination of our financial status  . Wait I forgot to tell you about the food and all .  So the restaurant had a hipster vibe and a generally millennial sort of an aesthetic to it  .  The cuisine is border line Asian with a lot of diet food aspect to it . You start by choosing a bowl size which by price point different in maybe a hundred rupees then you can either choose one of their pre made “bowls” or start from scratch i.e choose your protein from either shrimp, beef, chicken or tofu , forgive me I may be missing some protein out . I mean do we really need options as Pakistanis for us every protein tastes the same after the amount of abusive over cooking we are accustomed to. So then after that you choose your veggies which had an array of stir friable vegetables as broccoli, mushroom, peas and some other similar ones thrown into the mix as well.

Now it’s time to pick the sauces which range from salty like teriyaki sauce to the sweet ones like honey barbecue or plain caramel. After this they set you back to your table and start stir frying them. For sides you have options of white rice and noodles or if you’re feeling really ambitious some “guilt free” as they labeled it brown rice or zucchini noodles.  With the no carb diet plan that I am currently following even the slashed 5 grams per cup of carbohydrates that brown rice has to offer does not seem like much of a bargain when  you’re going for the “should I worried about you look “ that I am going for .

Finally after the explained the whole menu to us and how it worked my mom opted for -the mushroom beef with oyster special that they offered in their pre-made section. We also opted for a prawn tempura started which came with a mayo based dip and some very offensive looking chopsticks, I on the other hand opted for an espresso which came with sugar cubes on the side  . Disappointed to hear their lack of zero calorie sugar options I started to ponder the have and have not’s of a “health” conscious restaurant.     The starter came with little wait, the tempura’s were hot and the sauce was incredible, this was also my first time ever using chopsticks and I managed fairly. Then came my espresso which was just the way I like it hot, strong and with a desire to wake you up to run a marathon , the actual food bowls which consisted of the stir fry and the white rice which mama opted for were absolutely delicious with nothing to be corrected at all , a tray followed the main entree carrying spices and toppings to choose from ,mama casma also ordered a coke which slowly kills a part of my soul every time . The overall experience was very good , amazing ambiance , amazing food, great choice in music and very welcoming staff . Our total came to about fifteen hundred rupees Continue reading “Jinnah Supers Diagon Alley”